By EWAN KENNEDY
26 November 2007

A confession: I’m probably more absent minded than most people, at least that’s what my kids are always telling me – at least I think it was the kids, I can’t be sure now…

Being on the vague side at times it suits me to have a warning bell in a car to let me know I’ve left the keys in the ignition, the lights switched on, or whatever. But I find all these warning bells are a bit much at times.

I once lived in a unit block with an underground carpark that was never properly lit. Within that carpark I had a private garage, more of a car cage than a garage, you know the sort of thing. To get the car out of the garage I had to start the engine, turn on the headlights, then drive out, but without putting on the safety belt. Then I got out of the car to shut the garage door.

Some cars got extremely upset over this. Picture the situation from the point of view of a dumb computer with sensors all over the car: it knows the engine is running but the driver’s not wearing a safety belt, a door is open and the headlights have been left on. It has been programmed to warn drivers of dire consequences of these actions and does so with great gusto.

Sometimes there were as many as three different warning bells coming and going and clashing with one another as I went through my getting-the-car-out routine. All of this in an area surrounded by concrete that bounced echoes in all directions!

These days there are warnings for other things as well. Some cars let you know the sunroof is open, or the windows are down, the glovebox is open, a few even have a silly buzzer that sounds if you are in reverse gear, though thankfully the wires on the latter seem to be getting quietly snipped before the car gets to the customer.

Don't get me wrong, as an absent minded individual I can certainly see the need for the warnings, but wouldn't two or three beeps be enough? There’s really no need for the car to carry on indefinitely, or at least until the battery goes flat. It wouldn't surprise me if some cars would even give you a final ding-dong to let you know that the battery was about to produce its final amp.

Perhaps working as a motoring journo makes me the wrong person to comment on the subject of irritating warning bells/buzzer/whistles/gongs, etc. Most weeks I drive several different cars so never become fully subconsciously adapted to any of them. Then again, plenty of people have more than one car in the family and are possibly less adept at adapting immediately to their different demands.